Graduated

About 8 years ago, I eagerly volunteered to spend a week in Chester with World Impact with my sons' youth group, mainly because I loved the work of World Impact and was madly eager to participate in it. Little did I know that I was putting my first foot on a path that would last for 8 years, the amazing and impossible path of what we will summarize for simplicity's sake as lay youth ministry. My time in youth ministry and related activities was awesome. My dead heart came alive again, I learned to pray till it hurt, and I found out about a lot of cool new bands. I found parts of myself that I thought were gone, and I made some friends that I hope I'll have for a long time. I also learned skills that I now use every day in my work! But now it's the end (....or is it??! One never knows!).

Unlike the moment when I put my last homeschooled child on a bus for the first time, this time almost no one asked me, "What are you going to do now?" because almost nobody (including me!) realized what had happened. Well, even though you didn't ask, I am going to tell you what I am going to do:

I am going to mind my own business.

I'm going to try anyway! I now am (sort of) homeschooling again, managing my son's burgeoning art career and health care, running my house, and doing my job. I'm developing better housekeeping habits and being more responsible about my own health. I'm available for the odd little needs and opportunities that come up from week to week. I'm being intentional about my family and my job instead of trying to work them around the edges of the drama of my "ministry". And for the first time in years, I'm not tired all the time. Just most of the time. But I'll take it!

Jonah and Me

So Jonah sits down to see what will happen to Nineveh. He gets very hot sitting there on the hillside. God causes a plant to quickly grow up to shade him, and he is super-happy about that. The day passes without incident, so he goes to sleep. But when he wakes up the next morning, God has sent a worm to kill the plant, and hot sun and scorching wind to annoy Jonah, so that he cries out, "I wish I were dead!"

So God comes along and says, "Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?"

Jonah is not interested in considering the possibility that he has overreacted. "It is! And I am so angry I wish I were dead!"

Here are two things God does NOT do at this point. He does NOT say: "Jonah, you are an idiot. It was just a stupid plant." Nor does He say, "I know you are ticked because you are too hot, but really, you are the one who wanted to sit here on this hot hillside anyway, so you need to stop ranting."

Here's what He does instead. First, He takes Jonah where He finds him: "OK, so you are mad about this plant." Then, He gives Jonah a lot more credit than he really seems to deserve: "You had compassion on this plant that you did not plant or make grow." (Really, Jonah's not sorry for the plant, he's just mad about the sun on his bald head.) THEN, He pulls the camera back and says, in effect, "If it's ok for you to be upset that one little plant died, how much more appropriate is it for me to be sad at the possibility that all the people of Nineveh might die (to say nothing of the cows)?" He lets Jonah be angry, but reminds him that there are greater issues at stake than his own inconvenience.

Thank you God for your patience, and for these continued reminders that You can use even us drama queens for Your gracious purposes!

PS Do you think God mentioned the cows because He could see that He didn't have a prayer of convincing Jonah that it would be a tragedy for all those enemy people to die?

Moses and Me

"Why have you dealt ill with Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You lay the burden of all this people on me? Did I conceive all this peoople? Did I give them birth, that You should say to me, "Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child," to the land that You swore to give to them? Where am I supposed to get these people all the things they are crying for? I am not able to carry all this people alone! The burden is too heavy for me! If You will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I might not see my wretchedness!"

First of all, can I just say that I love all the drama queens in the Bible. Jonah, with his, "You killed my plant and now I wish I were dead!" is my all-time favorite, but Peter, David, Samson, and all the other loose cannons and emotional extremists give me hope that ANYONE can be used by God!

Secondly, turns out it's actually more cathartic to copy some Biblical kvetching into your journal than to just be satisfied with your own whinging. I'm telling you, those Bible people knew how to make their case before God. Try it sometime!

By the way, here's how the story comes out. God tells Moses to identify 70 men who are already functioning in leadership among the people, and then promises to "take some of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them, and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you may not bear it yourself alone." In another place, the people prosper or fail as Moses lifts his hands to pray for them, and as his hands get weary, a couple of his friends come along and hold them up. Great pictures of teamwork in servant leadership.

Then God undertakes to meet the people's needs... and their greeds... to give them everything they want and more, until their fulfilled desires become a punishment to them, "because they have rejected the LORD who is among them and have wept before Him." Just a gentle reminder to Moses that the people's behavior may have been annoying to him, but it was really offensive and a slap in the face to God Himself. It's interesting to think that one way God punishes the ungrateful is by giving them a whole lot of what they thought they wanted....

Why Heaven Isn't Mandatory

I think I just figured out why God doesn't MAKE people go to heaven. Part of the point of heaven is that our bodies are redeemed so that it is no longer possible for them to get sick, decay or die. That sounds awesome-- who wouldn't want that? Another part of the point, though, is that the sickness, decay and death gets taken out of our souls, too. Not only will we not HAVE to steal or lie or murder... we won't be ABLE to. We won't be ABLE to hold onto bitterness and resentment, no matter how well-deserved. We won't be ABLE to lust after other people's spouses, no matter how hot. We won't be ABLE to have anything in the center of our lives besides God, no matter how cool or fun it is. Of course, right now, we aren't ABLE to imagine how cool and fun God is, so I have a feeling that once we get there, we won't mind at all, but still-- this is a big deal. Do you see how God would not perform this kind of soul lobotomy on someone who didn't want it? If you have lost interest in sin-- if the idea of losing the very ability to screw up appeals to you-- you are definitely welcome in heaven. But God will never strip you of that choice without your permission.

The stories we tell ourselves

I've been thinking about the stories we tell ourselves about the stories we're in. We assign ourselves roles: homemaker, coworker, romantic lead. We define our characters: fat, stupid, efficient, warm, old, pretty. And we try to puzzle out the plots: are we here to save the day, learn a lesson, endure a hardship, or what? Although it seems that so much of my story just happens to me while I am working on something else, really, the way the events join together-- the narrative arc-- is surprisingly controllable.

Am I the victim in this story? Do bad things keep happening to me? Am I the rescuer, stepping in to avert someone else's disaster? Am I, by some horrible happenstance, the perpetrator who is causing the disaster? Or am I the plucky adventurer, finding new opportunities in every unexpected twist? The raw material is the same: surprising turns of events. The interpretation, however-- the story-- is up to me. I forge my character every day. I define my roles as I prioritize and even as I choose my clothes for the day. I review, I project, and I say, "Well, this is a heartwarming story," or, "This is a horror show," or, "This is an epic tale of the triumph of the human spirit." Sometimes I literally say, "My life is just like that movie 'The Savages.'" When I say that, I've started telling myself a story about the story I'm in.

Being the victim is boring. Being the perpetrator is unacceptable. Being the rescuer is just exhausting. But plucky adventurer-- that, I could do. America's sweetheart, doing the right thing regardless-- I could do that too. I don't have to choose helpless woman in high heels running down blind alley.

Art imitates life, only better

John Ordover says that fiction is reality with the boring parts left out. I say that likewise art is reality, only better. Even a hyper-realist painter makes decisions. And even an Abstract Expressionist starts with reality... if only the reality of the physical properties of paint swung from a stick held by a human hand.

The part of visual reality I find interesting is the part where things are in sharp contrast, like a dark green treeline against a pale blue sky, or green ivy crawling on a red brick wall, or brown eyes in a pale face, or white eyes in a dark face. The parts where contour lines disappear into shadow, or where a thousand leaves of ivy merge into a dappled mass of darks and lights, is not so interesting to me. The parts of reality I like are the parts where boundaries are clear. Therefore, my art is linear. The parts of reality on which I would like to improve are the parts where things are all piled up in a jumble. Therefore, my art is organized. If this be decoration, illustration, "mere" entertainment, make the most of it!

Superheroes Who Are Patriotic!

Superheroes Who Are Super! had its debut at the 2009 Fringe Festival, where we, sadly, had to skip it in favor of other priorities. But it must have been a hit, because it's been going strong ever since, offering staged readings of classic comix at the Plays and Players Theater on Delancy Street. (Staged reading: actors have scripts. Costuming suggests the various characters each actor must represent. Props, which seem to have been acquired mainly at the Dollar Store, are optional in most cases, but an essential part of the SWAS experience. Movement/blocking is limited, but not as limited as you would think.)

But wait! What's this! A new production company seems to have emerged from the SWAS experience! Yes, Save The Day Productions is now solely responsible for SWAS, and to celebrate their independence (well, quasi-independence... they still enjoy Plays and Players' facilities), they observed this 4th of July weekend with Superheroes Who Are Patriotic! Who is more patriotic than Captain America? No one, that's who! Golly! The show opened with the majestic strains of "Thus Spake Zarathustra" and the revelation of a mustachioed, khaki clad figure. Could it be? It was! The most evil world leader since Nero, Adolf himself, just standing right there! But Save the Day was true to its name, and Captain America soon bounded in to deliver that "punch heard round the world"... at least the world of comic books.



He proceeded to reveal his origins, meet his beautiful-- I mean plucky-- sidekick, Bucky, and defeat Nazi spy rings like it wan't no thang. With action-packed action, explosions provided by snaps available at any fireworks stand, and special effects such as large, clear labels reading "Not a Nazi" and "A Nazi," we were never in doubt of the hair-raising suspense-- or the fate of the free world. All that excitement, and an opportunity to join the Captain America fanclub too! Gee!

After visiting our sponsors, Atomic City Comics and Quig's pub, we returned to our regularly scheduled program, Avengers #4. See Giant Man turn into Ant Man! See the Wasp change sizes several times! See Thor swing his mighty hammer! See Iron Man shoot lasers from the palms of his hands! How was all this possible at a staged reading, you ask? Through the magic of imagination! But never fear, freedom-loving Americans, for acting is still the best special effect, and the ability of each one of Save The Day's crack team to impersonate five or six distinct characters in one evening, as well as perform quick changes and execute choreographed fights while holding scripts, was what really saved the evening for this audience (Okay, maybe a preshow visit to Quig's didn't hurt either).

All in all, this show was an entertaining, nay, inspiring experience, and the citizens of Washington, DC, are in for a treat when it comes to them next week!